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It was sure that I wouldn't be able to score high marks in my degree course. I had scored poor marks in the subsidiary subjects, Physics & Mathematics. My main subject, Chemistry was how much away from me ? Even then, I tried hard on the IIIrd year degree course, remembering my performance in Std X. But - it was too late. The composition of atoms and molecules, the properties of atoms and molecules, the Periodic Table which was a wonder in my school days, everything which I liked - remained there. I couldn't learn.
I wonderfully watched my father who didn't tell anything to me about my studies. Though my sister had become a nine years old girl, my mother slept with her in the morning, crying and weeping loudly, saying that how cruel her eldest daughter was. She would loudly say that any other girl would do all jobs in the house and after completing it only, she would go for studying. Being a Final year degree student, I didn't enter the kitchen many days when the abusive words were unbearable. In such situations, I could see my father entering the kitchen, making tea and placing the ricepot in the fireplace, at the same time placing enough of firewoods. In those days, he would look at me angrily or scornfully. These situations made me more arrogant. The result of these kind of situations was this - I also became a cruel person. I hated the talkative women. I didn't even look at the talkative women as well as those who are known as smart ones.
Though I was on the verge of failure, I and my brother continued our discussions when we were in the rubber plantation. Sometimes, our sister also would be there with us, but being a child, she never knew the complexities of my life in the house. I & my brother talked about almost all subjects in this world, sitting in that rubber plantation. One day, I asked him, "why do the men spit on the road ? In the magazines, I read that in European countries, they never do it". He didn't know the answer. One thing was sure. In my house, such a thing would never happen. My grandfathers ( paternal or maternal ) wouldn't do such a thing in our house. If they do so, my mother would loudly ask who did so in our courtyard. She would also add that those who did so should remove it from there. Later I had seen many men spitting on the road while walking with their wives. Then I would wonder why their wives didn't tell them not to do that or in their homes, why didn't they speak about such a problem ? Even now, I am in a confused state. Everyone in India try to imitate Americans or Europeans. But the neatness they teach their children - it is not accepted here. Westerners, kudos to your most developed civilization !
The subjects I & my brother discussed ! We dreamt to build a house which is very simple. On the terrace, there would be a telescope to watch the sky. Electricity would be produced from sunlight using solar panels. Biogas plant would be there to dispose of all the waste. We got these ideas from newspaper, Balarama, Poompatta and Vanitha. I am a little sad because those dreams are away from me but I am determined to make them practical in my life.
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