page 3 ( 91 ) The Examination results & the consequences

page 3

      ( 91 )

     It is a heart-breaking experience for me to reveal my examination results of Pre - degree.   But,  how can I refrain from it ?  After the examinations,  I was in silent prayers.   I was a seventeen years old girl.   I had heard about sweet seventeen - but had not experienced it.   There was total bitterness in my mind.   At last, on the day of publication of results,  I went to college,  looked anxiously through the Register Numbers and found that I was passed in the examination.   I was relieved and thanked God.   Then,  I remembered my school days when I didn't even think about the day of publication of results.  

     For the Pre - degree Course,  I scored only 504/900.  That means 56% of marks.   From 81.17%, to 56%.   Do you think I could suffer that situation ?  I didn't cry, but sitting on my chair, I shouted loudly, "my life  is spoilt.   All the girls who got distinction in St Peter's English Medium High School,  went to Mar Thoma College for Women, Perumbavoor for doing their Pre - degree.   When kochechi told me to join that college,  I couldn't take a decision.   I was only a fifteen years old girl ".  Everyone who passed Pre - degree Course,  was applying for Medical and Engineering Entrance Examination.   Kochechi & several others asked me about applying for Medical  Entrance Examination.   I was sure that I wouldn't get admission for this Course.  But my father brought an application to our house and started to read it.   I didn't even look at it.   With the application,  attested copies of the marklists also needed to be attached.   I said that I wouldn't go to a gazetted officer to get it signed.   I saw my father, going to Kadayiruppu,  taking my marklist and the application form.   I knew that he was going to the Headmaster of the Govt High School Kadayiruppu,  to get it signened by him.   I was very sad because all my Teachers would know  my marks.  I sat in the chair and murmured against  my parents.   When my father returned,  he made a statement that the copies are attested and sombody helped him to fill the application.  When I heard it,  my sadness multiplied because I thought that how many people might have seen my marklists !  
     Though I knew that I didn't learn Physics,  Chemistry,  Botany or Zoology correctly,  I tried to learn something before the date of Entrance Examination.   By that time,  I had ended early rising.   Then,  what would happen ?  My mother would cry, lying on the bed,  describing her backpain and her inability to rise early in the morning.   She would also pray like this, " my Lord,  how does such a girl born to me !   Seeing my situation and my seven years old daughter,  she has no sympathy at all."  My father would enter the kitchen,  make tea and put the rice on the ricepot.   But I couldn't continue like that for a long time.   When the examination was over,  I couldn't look at my father's fiery eyes and I again entered kitchen first.  

    After the Pre - Degree Course,  the usual procedure was to join for a Degree Course in a college.   The result of the Entrance Examination would be published only after the commencement of the Degree Course.   There were other options too.   Nursing was a professional course.   My friends in School,  like,  Nitha, Renu, Jessy & Reena joined for Nursing course.   But, not even a 100/- Rs Note was there in my father's hands.   Then,  how could he join me for a professional course ?  I thought that simply join a Degree Course.   There would be a path - sometimes I might find new ones, I might go through jungles,  pass through deserts and I might face all of them alone !  At first,  I experienced great pain but my mind became strong.   Without knowing anything,  I was facing the world.