page 2
( 13 )
The second cashew tree was a special one. Its cashewnuts attracted me very much. When I looked at a cashewnut, I felt like looking at the eyes of a small child. I wonder whether I could find such a cashewnut ever after in my life. Sometimes, a person or two might go through that road. Then I would be afraid - "whether they would come near me, climbing the steps ?", I would think. The passengers in the buses would look at me meaningfully - "what is she doing here ?", this might have their thought. After collecting all the cashewnuts, I would go to my house and put it in a safe place. I think that my father had been given permission to pluck the cashewnuts and give it to them.
I have completely forgotten whether I had plucked any cashewnut from the third cashewtree. But I remember one thing - walking through the narrow path created by the continuous use of the owners of the land, my family and the women who came to mow the grass. On the way several times, I saw the rabbits - all of them small ones. Then I would remember the big rabbit in Balarama. In the evenings, sometimes, a mongoose would be seen in our courtyard and it would disappear within a few minutes. It was difficult to predict when a snake would appear inside our home or in the courtyard. My father had kept a stick in the corner of the room to kill the snakes.
Oneday my mother shouted to me,"for what purpose you are born here ? Don't you see my sufferings in this house ? I have tired by doing all the work here." Then she turned to my father, "why are you silent ? All the girls of her age do the duty of cleaning the courtyard. Why is she not doing that ?" The next day morning, I was awakened early and my father ordered me, "take the broom". I obeyed him and came to the front courtyard. He sat on a chair on the front verandah and again ordered me, "start your work". I was afraid to look at his eyes. "There is very much distance between me and my father. Now, I am not a child", I thought sadly. I started cleaning the courtyard. " Is this the way to hold the broom correctly ? Is there any problem to bend your head ?", he shouted. His eyes turned red. I bent my body and also the broom in the correct position and started cleaning again. I had seen the elder women doing this many times. Therefore, I did it without much difficulty. What made me sad was that my father sat on that chair till I completed my work. Then he departed, looking at me warningly.
My mother was continuously talking all this time, standing in the kitchen, "she doesn't know she is a girl, tomorrow she will reach in another house, then what will she do ?" My father's reply was,"they will burn her, what else ? " After this experience, I knew something was happening in my mind and body. Everyday I prepare the jackfruit seeds for curry, and now I am taught to clean the courtyard. I knew that I would have to do this job oneday. But the manner in which I was taught ! It frightened me. I am a girl ! I have to go to another house ! The people in that house would do anything to me ! Tears rolled down my cheeks when I sat alone somewhere near the mangotree. My brother ( 4 years ) was running here and there and enjoying his childhood. "Why doesn't a boy leave his house and go to another house ?, I thought. I got the answer - if the parents try to send away the boy, he will beat them and escape. But the girl doesn't. Yes. The boy has more physical strength. I realised everything. "This is injustice, this is injustice", I called out. But I understood that no sound came out from me. I had received the first blow, every girlchild receives on this earth. After receiving this, 10% of her brain activity is lowered. She cannot perform equally with a boy in future. No research is necessary to understand this. I have only sympathy towards the sociologists and psychologists who research about the backwardness of girls in many fields.
( 13 )
The second cashew tree was a special one. Its cashewnuts attracted me very much. When I looked at a cashewnut, I felt like looking at the eyes of a small child. I wonder whether I could find such a cashewnut ever after in my life. Sometimes, a person or two might go through that road. Then I would be afraid - "whether they would come near me, climbing the steps ?", I would think. The passengers in the buses would look at me meaningfully - "what is she doing here ?", this might have their thought. After collecting all the cashewnuts, I would go to my house and put it in a safe place. I think that my father had been given permission to pluck the cashewnuts and give it to them.
I have completely forgotten whether I had plucked any cashewnut from the third cashewtree. But I remember one thing - walking through the narrow path created by the continuous use of the owners of the land, my family and the women who came to mow the grass. On the way several times, I saw the rabbits - all of them small ones. Then I would remember the big rabbit in Balarama. In the evenings, sometimes, a mongoose would be seen in our courtyard and it would disappear within a few minutes. It was difficult to predict when a snake would appear inside our home or in the courtyard. My father had kept a stick in the corner of the room to kill the snakes.
Oneday my mother shouted to me,"for what purpose you are born here ? Don't you see my sufferings in this house ? I have tired by doing all the work here." Then she turned to my father, "why are you silent ? All the girls of her age do the duty of cleaning the courtyard. Why is she not doing that ?" The next day morning, I was awakened early and my father ordered me, "take the broom". I obeyed him and came to the front courtyard. He sat on a chair on the front verandah and again ordered me, "start your work". I was afraid to look at his eyes. "There is very much distance between me and my father. Now, I am not a child", I thought sadly. I started cleaning the courtyard. " Is this the way to hold the broom correctly ? Is there any problem to bend your head ?", he shouted. His eyes turned red. I bent my body and also the broom in the correct position and started cleaning again. I had seen the elder women doing this many times. Therefore, I did it without much difficulty. What made me sad was that my father sat on that chair till I completed my work. Then he departed, looking at me warningly.
My mother was continuously talking all this time, standing in the kitchen, "she doesn't know she is a girl, tomorrow she will reach in another house, then what will she do ?" My father's reply was,"they will burn her, what else ? " After this experience, I knew something was happening in my mind and body. Everyday I prepare the jackfruit seeds for curry, and now I am taught to clean the courtyard. I knew that I would have to do this job oneday. But the manner in which I was taught ! It frightened me. I am a girl ! I have to go to another house ! The people in that house would do anything to me ! Tears rolled down my cheeks when I sat alone somewhere near the mangotree. My brother ( 4 years ) was running here and there and enjoying his childhood. "Why doesn't a boy leave his house and go to another house ?, I thought. I got the answer - if the parents try to send away the boy, he will beat them and escape. But the girl doesn't. Yes. The boy has more physical strength. I realised everything. "This is injustice, this is injustice", I called out. But I understood that no sound came out from me. I had received the first blow, every girlchild receives on this earth. After receiving this, 10% of her brain activity is lowered. She cannot perform equally with a boy in future. No research is necessary to understand this. I have only sympathy towards the sociologists and psychologists who research about the backwardness of girls in many fields.
