page 3 ( 82 ) The End of Pre - degree 1st year

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     Towards the end of Pre - degree Ist year,  I realised that I was on the verge of failure.   I had already joined for tuition in a parallel college for Physics and I wondered how naturally I changed.   Moreover,  the ambition of most of my classmates was to become a doctor.   As Mathematics was not in our syllabus,  we couldn't apply for Engineering Course.   Therefore,  some of my classmates had registered for Mathematics and joined for tuition in that subject.   When I saw my peers doing that,  I  also had a desire to learn Mathematics and after Pre - degree, apply for Medicine & Engineering.   But in my heart of hearts,  there was a question whether I could do it or not.   I also doubted that how could a student who scored below 500 marks in Std X, was able to ensure admission in Medicine or Engineering.

     From the radio which I brought from grandfather's house,  I heard different types of songs.    When the time for English News came,  my mother would become angry and would ask me to stop it.   But I wouldn't yield to her murmurings.   Another unforgettable memory is the moment when I received lumpsum grant.   At first,  when I received 500/- Rs. , I was slightly embarrassed.   I remembered my father's words.    Mr Korah had given him last warning that he wouldn't give anything to my father because of my father's debt in his shop.  With the money,  when I reached home,  my father was getting ready to go to Kadayiruppu junction.   I gave him the money and said only this - 'lumpsum grant'.  When he returned from Kadayiruppu,  as usual,  I was looking into my textbook.   Then,  my father was narrating the whole story.  He said that Mr Korah told him he could have given it a little  bit earlier.   He also asked from where did he get that much amount of money.  Today,  I remember only this much of conversations about that incident.   

     In those days,  oneday, when I entered a bus to Kolenchery,  our neighbour Fr Jacob's wife,  Ms Eliamma, her relative Soja and her daughter Lincy also were there in the bus.   When I enquired about Soja,  Ms Lincy replied that Soja was studying in St Peter's College,  Kolenchery and she was staying in hostel.   Hearing it I wondered because Soja was very calm, quiet and not at all fashionable.   "She is staying in hostel,  then why can't I stay there", I thought.   I knew that SC/ST/OEC students should not remit the hostel fee, it was free for them.  Oneday,  when my parents were present in my home,  I declared, "I won't go to college next year.   It is sure that I will fail in the examination.   I want to stay in hostel and study.   Soja,  an ideal girl is there in hostel".  But I had some doubts about the  distance between the college and my home.   I doubted whether the authorities would allow me to stay in hostel because there was only   three kms distance between my college & my house.   Therefore,  my father went to college oneday and they advised him to ask permission from the corresponding authorities.   Their reply was "if the college management agrees,  we will have no problem".  That was how at the beginning of IInd year Pre - degree class,  I changed to hostel life.   As I mentioned earlier, it was on the day of completion of our toilet that my IInd year Pre-degree  class started. 

     When all the works of toilet was completed,  the time had arrived, to go to the hostel in the afternoon.   I was really perplexed.  How could I speak to a large number of  girls?   Would there be ragging?  These were the questions aroused in my   mind.        .