page 2
( 38 )
When grandfather started living with us, my mother used to describe to him the difficulties we suffered due to the lack of income. She said if she had a cow, she would have given some milk to her children. One day, when I returned from School, I saw a cow in the back courtyard. My mother, father and grandfather were there. My father was making a cattleshed on one side of the back verandah. Seeing him preparing a manger and primitive form of a cattleshed, I was really shocked. In the houses of grandfather and uncle Yacob, there were separate cattlesheds. In all houses, whether they were rich or poor, there were separate cattlesheds. So, I wondered why didn't my father make a separate cattleshed. My mother had also requested grandfather to buy a mortar and a pestle. It was also bought and placed in the small room near the front verandah. There were many discussions and criticisms about grandfather living in our house. Therefore, after one or two months he rerurned to his own house. I was sad because his presence was a strength to me to overcome all the challenges in my life.
While going towards the school, I was trembling with fear. I wanted to escape from my house. There was only one way - to study well, acquire a job and go away permanently, never return to house. Then, marriage ? If this is the situation in my house, what will be the situation in husband's house ? Moreover, for a marriage, a young man should come to my house. Then, I had to answer to his questions. By that time, I had become "speechless" in the presence of my father and mother. Then, how can I marry ? I decided that for the time being, not to think about marriage, think about studies only. On that day, I had experienced a burning sensation in my whole body - each cell of my body experienced it - a flame, the reason for which the science has never discovered. I tried my best to hide my face from my classmates. Yet one or two friends asked me what happened. The next day, my parents didnot compel me to clean the cattleshed and I wondered what happened.
When the cow gave birth to a calf, my mother had to rise up early. She would milk the cow and sometimes ask me to put my hands on the cow's legs because the cow would kick her with its feet. My father also tried to milk the cow but the reaction was the same. Because of the nature of the cow, they decided to sell it.
Till then, I hadnot worn an ear ring or stud. I was not interested in it and my cousins in Pentecost Church didn't ask me anything. But when some women asked me whether I am attending Pentecostal Church or not, I was disturbed. I hadnot worn any ornaments in my body. When I was In Lower Primary School, my mother purchased bangles during Church Festivals and put them on my hands. But when I reached Vth Std, I said, "no bangles". Similarly, in Lower Primary School, I used to wear garlands also. But when I reached Upper Primary School, I abandoned everything. I found that those things were unnecessary for me. But when I agreed to pierce my ears, my mother searched for a design. She was not satisfied with common designs. I don't know from where she found a design for a stud. The design was given to the goldsmith in Kadayiruppu. When it was completed, I & my father went to the goldsmith for wearing the stud.
( 38 )
When grandfather started living with us, my mother used to describe to him the difficulties we suffered due to the lack of income. She said if she had a cow, she would have given some milk to her children. One day, when I returned from School, I saw a cow in the back courtyard. My mother, father and grandfather were there. My father was making a cattleshed on one side of the back verandah. Seeing him preparing a manger and primitive form of a cattleshed, I was really shocked. In the houses of grandfather and uncle Yacob, there were separate cattlesheds. In all houses, whether they were rich or poor, there were separate cattlesheds. So, I wondered why didn't my father make a separate cattleshed. My mother had also requested grandfather to buy a mortar and a pestle. It was also bought and placed in the small room near the front verandah. There were many discussions and criticisms about grandfather living in our house. Therefore, after one or two months he rerurned to his own house. I was sad because his presence was a strength to me to overcome all the challenges in my life.
Every morning, the cattleshed should be cleaned by removing the cowdung. In Kerala, the women did it with bare hands. One day, after putting the rice into the ricepot and placing large firewoods in the fireplace, I went out to clean the courtyard. I think it was not the season of jackfruits. Towards the end of jackfruit season, all the ripened jackfruits would fall off from the tree. Those ones would not be worthy of eating. But we would collect the jackfruit seeds. We would put them in a sandbag which was placed in the back verandah, before they become damaged. There the seeds would be safe and we would take it outside in the month of Karkkidakam ( July - Aug ) ( the month in which we get rain at the sametime no income from agriculture) and fry ( without any oil) in a vessel over the fireplace and take those tasty ones. When there are no jackfruit seeds, my mother would ask my father to purchase peas or Bengal - gram for curry. When I came out from the kitchen, I saw my father and mother standing together at the back verandah. My mother said, "what will happen if she cleans the cattleshed ?" Seeing me standing there, my father shouted, "go inside the cattleshed and remove the cowdung". I was shocked. I didn't expect that. In such circumstances, they would act as very old and sick people. I slowly entered the cattleshed. My father said, "earlier when I worked with a rich family, they would put a basket of cowdung over the head of their daughter along with the other women labourers. This girl has become egotist because there is no work for her to do in this house". "Be quick", he continued. I slowly removed the cowdung from there with a wounded heart. I don't remember whether tears came in my eyes or not. But my father and mother were there, full time, supervising my job. I felt that the incident would repeat again. I was only eleven and half years old. My mother was thirtyone and father was thirtynine. "Why can't they do the job ?", I asked myself. On that day, I slowly dressed up, slowly climbed down the steps and slowly walked to school.
The day before, I had read in a pulp magazine, the column, "Ask to the psychiatrist". A girl was married to a person who owned some land, cows and goats. But it was against her desire because she wanted to study a little more. In her husband's house, she had to do many works. One day, her younger brother came to see her. When he reached there, she was in the cattleshed, removing cowdung. Her brother was shocked to see his sister whose dress was full of dirt. But she said to her brother that he shouldnot reveal the truth to her parents because it would worsen the situation. Then she had asked the opinion of the psychiatrist about what steps she should take in future. While going towards the school, I was trembling with fear. I wanted to escape from my house. There was only one way - to study well, acquire a job and go away permanently, never return to house. Then, marriage ? If this is the situation in my house, what will be the situation in husband's house ? Moreover, for a marriage, a young man should come to my house. Then, I had to answer to his questions. By that time, I had become "speechless" in the presence of my father and mother. Then, how can I marry ? I decided that for the time being, not to think about marriage, think about studies only. On that day, I had experienced a burning sensation in my whole body - each cell of my body experienced it - a flame, the reason for which the science has never discovered. I tried my best to hide my face from my classmates. Yet one or two friends asked me what happened. The next day, my parents didnot compel me to clean the cattleshed and I wondered what happened.
When the cow gave birth to a calf, my mother had to rise up early. She would milk the cow and sometimes ask me to put my hands on the cow's legs because the cow would kick her with its feet. My father also tried to milk the cow but the reaction was the same. Because of the nature of the cow, they decided to sell it.
Till then, I hadnot worn an ear ring or stud. I was not interested in it and my cousins in Pentecost Church didn't ask me anything. But when some women asked me whether I am attending Pentecostal Church or not, I was disturbed. I hadnot worn any ornaments in my body. When I was In Lower Primary School, my mother purchased bangles during Church Festivals and put them on my hands. But when I reached Vth Std, I said, "no bangles". Similarly, in Lower Primary School, I used to wear garlands also. But when I reached Upper Primary School, I abandoned everything. I found that those things were unnecessary for me. But when I agreed to pierce my ears, my mother searched for a design. She was not satisfied with common designs. I don't know from where she found a design for a stud. The design was given to the goldsmith in Kadayiruppu. When it was completed, I & my father went to the goldsmith for wearing the stud.
On the way, I was thinking about the pain I was going to experience. "Why this pain meant only for girls ?", I thought. My ears were pierced and the studs were placed. I became an Indian girl. When I reached home, my mother was very happy. She sad, "my Lord, I was praying to God everyday that my daughter might show wisdom and agree to pierce her ears". But I had a feeling that something was lost . What was that ? I did't realise it then. It was the first step to make me the woman of the world, with no particular ambitions or talents.
No comments:
Post a Comment