page 3
( 51 )
In Government High School, Pazhamthottam, I continued my studies in VIIIth Std, 'C' division. One evening, at 08.00 p.m. or 08.30 p.m., my father returned from Kadayiruppu junction. He said that on that day, he met with Markose Sir, who was teaching in Pazhamthottam school. The Teacher said to my father that if he were aware of the fact that I was the daughter of my father, they wouldn't have changed me from 'A' division to 'C'. Hearing this, my mother became aggressive. She said,"why don't they recognise her ? Everyone in the village knows that she is your daughter because she resembles you perfectly. They changed her to another division because you belong to backward community. Why don't you know all the truth ? " Though I heard mother's words, I didn't give importance to them.
In VIII C, I didn't feel any difficulties from the part of Teachers. In Test Papers, there was an opponent to me - Sunil. He was in the first position and I was in the 2nd. "Wherever I go, I would be in second position", that was my response in my mind. One day, during the time of supper, my father said,"her Mathematics Teacher said that though her scores are high, she is not active in the class." I got angry in the remarks about me. I said to myself, "who is he to make a judgement about me ? Let him come to my house and ask my parents to prepare food for me in the morning. Then I would be active in the class. My mind had already tired. "How long can I go like this?" this was my thoughts. I wanted to find solace in God full heartedly.
The Vicar of the Church made a speech during the Holy Qurbana on one Sunday , in those days. He said that God selects common people like us for doing great things. An example was Jacob in the Old Testament of the Bible. Abraham's son Isaac had two sons - Esau & Jacob. Esau was a skillful hunter and Jacob was a quiet man dwelling in tents. Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game but his wife Rebekah loved Jacob. One day, Jacob was cooking stew. Then, Esau came from the field, very tired. Esau requested Jacob to give him some red stew because he was very much exhausted. Jacob asked Esau to sell him Esau's birthright. Esau agreed. Jacob asked him to swear. Esau swore to sell his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave him red stew.
When Isaac became very old, he called his older son Esau asked him to bring some hunt food, prepare delicious food and after taking food, to bless his older son. When Rebekah, wife of Isaac heard this, she asked Jacob to wear the best garments of Esau because Esau was a hairy man and go near Isaac with the food prepared by his mother, to get his blessings. He did so & Isaac blessed him thinking that he was Esau. When Esau returned from hunting and prepared delicious food and went near Isaac to get his blessings, he realised that he was cheated. He became angry and he wanted to kill his brother Jacob.
When his mother Rebekah knew that Esau would take revenge upon Jacob, she advised him to flee to her brother Laban's house,in Haran. He lived there,worked hard under Laban. After 20 years, he returned to his house with his twelve children, ewes, female goats, & rams. On the way, Jacob was sleeping under a tree. Then, a man wrestled with him till the breaking of the day. When the man saw that he didn't prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob's hip was
put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, "Let me go, for the day has broken. But Jacob said, "I will not let you go unless bless me". And he said to him, "what is your name ?" And he said, "Jacob". Then he said, "then, your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but, Israel, for you have striven with God, ,Then he said, "Let "Then Jacob asked him ,"please tell me your name,". But he said, ""why is it that you ask my name?" And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the name of the place Penile, saying,"For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered."
I wanted to know whether God would select me or not. Jacob cheated his brother twice, but God selected him. What are the sins I committed ? I am ready to abandon my temporary house in this world and go to a better place in heaven,where I get safety & peace. By peace, I mean without the sound of women. I had full of hatred towards talkative women because of my mother. Actually I feel envy towards the great sages who meditate in the perfect silence of the valleys near Himalayas. In my Church, there were prayers. But I was not satisfied in them. What I need is silent meditation. I don't like the walls - I like open spaces to get pure air. The perfect silence - to memorize all the evil things and remove them from my mind & to memorize all good things and appreciate myself in my mind. The imprtance of silence is necessary for studying or reading anything.
The Vicar of the Church made a speech during the Holy Qurbana on one Sunday , in those days. He said that God selects common people like us for doing great things. An example was Jacob in the Old Testament of the Bible. Abraham's son Isaac had two sons - Esau & Jacob. Esau was a skillful hunter and Jacob was a quiet man dwelling in tents. Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game but his wife Rebekah loved Jacob. One day, Jacob was cooking stew. Then, Esau came from the field, very tired. Esau requested Jacob to give him some red stew because he was very much exhausted. Jacob asked Esau to sell him Esau's birthright. Esau agreed. Jacob asked him to swear. Esau swore to sell his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave him red stew.
When Isaac became very old, he called his older son Esau asked him to bring some hunt food, prepare delicious food and after taking food, to bless his older son. When Rebekah, wife of Isaac heard this, she asked Jacob to wear the best garments of Esau because Esau was a hairy man and go near Isaac with the food prepared by his mother, to get his blessings. He did so & Isaac blessed him thinking that he was Esau. When Esau returned from hunting and prepared delicious food and went near Isaac to get his blessings, he realised that he was cheated. He became angry and he wanted to kill his brother Jacob.
When his mother Rebekah knew that Esau would take revenge upon Jacob, she advised him to flee to her brother Laban's house,in Haran. He lived there,worked hard under Laban. After 20 years, he returned to his house with his twelve children, ewes, female goats, & rams. On the way, Jacob was sleeping under a tree. Then, a man wrestled with him till the breaking of the day. When the man saw that he didn't prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob's hip was
put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, "Let me go, for the day has broken. But Jacob said, "I will not let you go unless bless me". And he said to him, "what is your name ?" And he said, "Jacob". Then he said, "then, your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but, Israel, for you have striven with God, ,Then he said, "Let "Then Jacob asked him ,"please tell me your name,". But he said, ""why is it that you ask my name?" And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the name of the place Penile, saying,"For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered."
I wanted to know whether God would select me or not. Jacob cheated his brother twice, but God selected him. What are the sins I committed ? I am ready to abandon my temporary house in this world and go to a better place in heaven,where I get safety & peace. By peace, I mean without the sound of women. I had full of hatred towards talkative women because of my mother. Actually I feel envy towards the great sages who meditate in the perfect silence of the valleys near Himalayas. In my Church, there were prayers. But I was not satisfied in them. What I need is silent meditation. I don't like the walls - I like open spaces to get pure air. The perfect silence - to memorize all the evil things and remove them from my mind & to memorize all good things and appreciate myself in my mind. The imprtance of silence is necessary for studying or reading anything.
No comments:
Post a Comment